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Last year, I've disappointed everyone terribly, especially myself. My maths, my chemistry, and even history. my tears have all dried up as I faced more and more examination scripts with red ink scribbled all over it, its like a feeling of numbness; I didn't feel such a great wave of disappointment anymore, even if my Amaths paper clearly states: F9.
There had been a point in time where i've completely given up on my maths, even now I'm not sure if i'll be able to pass. But at least, I'm willing to try. I'm willing to work on my fresh start and prove to everyone out there i can actually do those sums. It'll come with loads and loads of hardwork, but I'm determined to try, even if it'll just be a mere pass. I have the drive to study harder from today onwards. I'll sleep early and I'll spend less time on the computer. They're my biggest obstacles now, and I'll try to overcome them, slowly. If I can.
I'll spend much more time on my work, especially amaths, emaths and chemistry. There's a chemistry test coming up on monday, I really hope I won't disappoint Ms Tay. Everytime she comes into class smiling at me saying, "Emma, I think you can do it. Just don't be nervous during the exams", I'd want to do my best for her, but i just can't. I don't know where to start. This time, i'll start early, I'll start today.
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The only thing i did yesterday was to collapse on my bed the moment i returned home from lunch with annia. My head hurt like shit yesterday, no joke. It felt as if somebody's forcing a tiny iron ring over my head and tightening it gradually. I wanted to vomit, but i couldn't. That was the most horrible night ever, all i ever felt was pain; I even dreamt of my pain.
The next thing I knew, it was of my mum calling for me to wake up. 5:30am. I groggily answered her "I thought i told you I wasn't going to school? Or is it friday today?" Took me long enough to snap back to my senses and realise I actually had been dreaming of myself skipping school [because i haven't learnt for my matrix test, and I haven't bathed yet]
I apologize to anyone i've ignored on msn, since i left my status as "online" [or "away"] while I went to rest. That was record time in these two years: 11 hours of sleep.
So, I quickly bathed and studied my matrices in an hour before I had to wait for terie below. [I haven't really thanked terie and her mom/dad for sending me to school every single day. I'm truthfully grateful!]
Common test wasn't all that great since I did not have sufficient time to complete the essay, leaving it greatly unbalanced. But since the song says "what will be, will be", I'll just leave it be. It wouldn't be great, I'll be disappointed, but I'll get over it. [wahlau i can't stand my philosophical self today]
Same goes to my dearest friends who didn't get what you expected for your Chinese O'levels. Its seriously not the end. Maybe the only reason why you didn't do well was because you wrote slightly out of point for zuowen? That doesn't mean you're bad in chinese, because these mistakes can be made even in the best students. What's most important now is to get over it, face the pressure from your teachers and parents with confidence, show them you can definitely make an effort to improve. I'm sure you can make it if you put in extra extra effort, besides, there are still other subjects!
To those who are satisfied with themselves but changed your mind later just because others scored higher than you, why dampen your mood this way? If you're happy with it, then you should be! Why let the environment affect your mood? If you feel your parents or teachers wouldn't be happy, think about this: Its your own life, you shouldn't let what other think ruin your confidence. Do your best for yourself, just keep trying. Keep trying, and trying. You'll never disappoint yourself since you've already done your best. its your expectations, not others.
[it so contradicts myself though D:]
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As for myself, I'm very happy since I was afraid i'll get an A2. I screwed my orals damn badly, my compo didn't have that perfect ending i wanted since I was short of time. If you were in school, you'd know i was VERY HAPPY, since i was hopping around, hugging people and even crying tears of joy.
Before that, I said I'd cry the shit out of myself if i got an A2, but part of me says "I'm prepared for the worst". I appeared calm even before i collected my results, but deep inside me, my heart is thumping, thumping, thumping. I'd really not know how i should react if i didn't get the result i wanted. But don't get sad if you didn't, because it'll be the other way round when you all get your maths results, when i'll jump around even if i just passed. Life i'd get A1 for amaths...
Wait, i'm still VERY VERY HAPPY about my A1, therefore I feel I should make this a start for myself.
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The secondary fours [now jc] did extremely well too, CONGRATULATIONS! Making us stay in the hall to watch the release of results really helps, it makes me MOTIVATED TO STUDY.
I'd start dreaming of 7A1s, force myself to attempt to achieve that and make myself NEVER regret what I did when I was 16. I've had that terrible feeling of regret and I don't want history to repeat itself; EMMA WILL TRY HER BEST!
And as I said, today's a wonderful day, so Kaiying, Annia and I went to Pizza hut to celebrate. Annia went to collect her scores and violin from her house, so kaiying and I ordered the food so we could save time while waiting for her. While we were waiting, we made a new friend! She's called IMI! :D
now, say CHEERS to IMI! :D
IMI IS OUR GOOD FRIEND! :D kaikai, lets meet imi for lunch again someday HAHAHAHA!
BTW, YOU CAN'T SEE IMI, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT IMI'S FRIEND :D ONLY WE CAN SEE IMI! omg, you mean you can't see a person over there? hahhahah
Kaiying had Cheesy Shrooms Pasta, I had Chicken Royale Pasta and Annia had Beef Bolognaise! We talked about the most random stuff under the stars, and after that annia went to my house :D
WE PLAYED A DUET! its my first time playing that piece so it took me quite long to be able to catch up with her D: nonetheless it was FUN doing that, and it sounded quite nice in the end :D ANNIA LETS PRACTISE OUR PARTS AND DO THAT AGAIN SOON! :D i might post a vid of that someday, i'll see.
anyway, -shakes annia's hand- its nice working with you, that was one of the most enjoyable parts of the day! :D Its really very very very fun, right! ^^
DON'T WE FEEL SO ACCOMPLISHED! i don't think i can ever describe everything in such small paragraphs, but i've truly enjoyed it :D
Btw, mdm sim is quite cute actually ;D she spent a whole lesson telling us her life story and how her name "sim ah lian" came about, how she was from the adventure club in sec school and so on. HAHA :D
Some overdue photos:
the first thing annia and I did were to take pics of them. Edmund's stuff being hung all over the place @.@ ROFL.
what i do with my sweets part 1
what i do with my sweets part 2
Christina's BIG squishy shit and my small hard shit :D
I love the expressions on both pieces of SHIT hahahaha.
i've completed the 'CLASS RULES' POSTER! as you can see, mr poh only has three strands of hair LOLLLL.
Our magnificent clock tower from the library's view.
the comm enjoying pizza during sec one orientation party!
[INSERT EMOSHIT]
i don't know what I should feel right now. I feel extremely happy, yet I'm feeling confused. I've been pondering about what i've become right now, I've changed alot. alot.
I don't know if i should say "I hate myself", because a part of me says I definitely do, but another part of me says 'you shouldn't'! But everytime I come home and the many conversations from the day would just appear before me, I really feel like I hate myself. I'll always regret what I said earlier in the day, wondering if the other person is feeling hurt, angry, pissed, or just hate me. I really don't know. From today on, i'll try my best to make others around me happy, I'll keep any form of insults to whoever, I'll consider their feelings.
[/INSERT EMOSHIT]
people who care wont mind
and people who mind dont care
makes sense though haha! :D
and yay thanks eliz i'll try my best for MYE so i can go to olomouc! :D
TAG REPLIES! :D
22jan
anon: aha yup (: but its okay la i will find other ways to know haha
{HAHAH is that a clue? like, you're from ahs hmm! :D}
nia: you're seriously pro to post everyday!!!
:D:D{LOLL its a result of too much things to say and boredom too! :D}
GB: I take up u'r challenge! hahas My house here haf TBM digging MRT track. Very noisy at night. (last time)
{HAHA TELL ME WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO DO IT! xD hahaha, really seh, i fell asleep almost immediately -.-}
23jan
ngik hiong: did u finish ur bear's paw when u handed it in?
{HAHAH nope D: left last two blank OMG}
kaiying: hello emma!
{HELLO PANGSAI SISTER}
ashley: i have tiger bones left uneaten too :X now he add sharkfin. wanna go on diet le luh! and i prefer SUBWAY
{HAHA i don't have tiger bones, i have BAK GUA! xD lolll, i wanna go on diet too man LOL. MOS is not bad also right! :D}
24jan
anqi: ayes jiayous on sleeping more! we all need tht haha (X
{HAHAHA OKAYOKAY! i've slept 11 hours yesterdayyy! :D}
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